European Wrap-up

I type this from what seems like a completely different world in 100-degree Prairie Village, Kansas. Per usual on this trip, I sat wedged between two space-hogging individuals on the 9 hour flight from London to Miami, but hey, at least they neither stunk nor snored! And Virgin Atlantic seems pretty good: leg room, edible food, tons of entertainment options (...which I just vegged on: Safe House, The Hunger Games, The Descendents, Boss - all good, none life-changing. I should be a film critic!).

I need to call in my government file at some point and see what it says. Customs harassed me and sent me to the separate waiting area. At first I thought they found my boot-legged Scottish whiskey which I somehow forgot to declare. I was laughing in my head at the anticipation of the officer opening up my pack as the stench from multiple "bags of doom", some still wet from the Great Glen Way, assaulted all our nostrils. But really he just made me wait and asked me obnoxious, insulting questions like "who's paying for this trip?" Those who know me really well know this made me fume. Apparently if you don't follow life's playbook to a tee, you are suspicious. Or maybe it's just me. I still remember the border guard in Panama looking at me and then pointing directly to mine out of all bags for his canine partner to check out. Oh well, I made it.

The first leg of this journey is now complete. I should note, technically my round the world trip is a whopping 2 days old, as Virgin's Great Escapade ticket package starts from London. It's good to be home and recalibrate a bit, though I wasn't even remotely sick of traveling....a good sign for the rest of this experience!

Europe was amazing. I felt safe. I felt happy. Had beautiful weather. Met wonderful people. Here's a quick rundown of some highlights and stats. Last post for a while might deserve better, but I'm a bit blogged out to be honest.

European Top 5

1. The people - Now that's Roy Williams level corny, but true. From Ben and Anja to the Wildeens to my cousin Ben, Annie G., Mark, Matt, the college kid train crew, Ana, Ian, and dozens of other brief but memorable encounters, the people make traveling the joy it tends to be. If the news or Yahoo internet article commenters ever make you start to question your faith in humanity, get out and travel a bit and all will be restored.

2. The Great Glen Way - If I did a bottom five it'd be in there too (my feet are still not back to normal), haha. But the astounding views and quirky encounters left quite an impression.

3. Dubrovnik - Really representing for all of Croatia. Coming from the Midwest, I'm still awe-struck by beautiful sea and ocean environments. Add to that the history of a place like Dubrovnik and you've got me sold.

4. The Van Gogh Museum - Representing for all the wonderful art and culture I experienced on this trip. I viewed works by all four Ninja Turtle namesakes, by Gauguin, Monet, Matisse, and that wily son of a bitch, Vincent Van Gogh. His art spoke to me most of all.

5. Munich - Especially if I can lump the Neuschwanstein Castle tour in with it. Drinking beer in grand halls, riding bikes, seeing mountains. I'm easy to please sometimes.

I could do a joke bottom 5, but really I have trivial complaints about this trip at most. Dealt with a few wankers here and there (I love some of my new British phrases!) but otherwise everything really did go swimmingly. There wouldn't be much of a gap between #3 on the list above and #33 if I extended it that far.

Transpo Tracker

This is the one nerdy thing I tried to keep track of. The numbers here represent different vessels. Round trip on a shuttle, for instance, only counts as one.

Planes: 8
Trains: 11
Boats: 6
Shuttles: 4
Taxis: 4
Buses: 15
Kayak: 1
Bikes: 3
Toboggan: 1
Tram: 1
Subways: NYC, Rome, London
Miles walked: ~225-250

Going to have to get some animals on there for phase two. In fact, I'm not sure I saw any wild animals in Europe at all beyond swans and shit. Looking forward to things getting a little more gnarly in that department in Australia and Asia. Looking forward to checking out some temples instead of churches. Looking forward to how completely different, yet still awesome, phase two should be!

This will be my last post for a while. Dry your eyes. I'm in the states for about 6 weeks. Rough itinerary is Oklahoma Joe's ASAP, KC time for 2-3 weeks, Chicago time for 1-2 weeks, wild and wacky weekend in Wisconsin wilderness, KC wedding, Los Angeles to see some family and the one and only Cole Gray, and then off to Rarotonga! Might take some pics and do an America-time report, but otherwise busy yourself with all the other wonderful things the internet has to offer.

http://kimjongillookingatthings.tumblr.com/

I'll leave you with a few completely random pics which haven't been used yet. As Abe Lincoln once said, "be excellent to each other....and party on dudes".

Strange Bird Contemplates the Doom of Man - official title of this absurd piece

Coming for you Ben and Anja.

Looking thrilled.

Edinburgh and London

Wanted to report on my non- hiking stops in Great Britain. First a quick geography lesson.

This blog had a woeful lack of Venn diagrams til now.

I would love to, and still might, count Scotland as a separate country visited on this trip, but really the UK is considered all one country. Still, the Scottish people have a distinct culture, national pride, and even different images on their bank notes. They love poking barbs at the English. Yet surprisingly to me, our guide said if the 2014 vote for independence were held today, they'd most likely stay united.

Loved Edinburgh. Yet another place with a vibrant current feel, set amongst thousands of years of history. I took a free walking tour with a hilarious and informative guide, Michael. He opined on the feud with Glasgow, regaled us with tales of "Mel Gibson defeating the English" (though later remarked how horrible a human being William Wallace was), and crushed dreams by poking holes in the Greyfriars Bobby tale of canine loyalty. He also appealed to my considerable toilet humor sensibilities by discussing the practice of "Gardy-Loo". Proper plumbing was not exactly a priority in Edinburgh, so people would basically just open the window and chuck out buckets of fun into the streets, only yelling "gardy-loo" as a warning. They soon enacted a 10am/10pm rule as the only times you could do this (I may have that morning time wrong but who cares) but the 10pm part was especially a problem as that was a time many gents stumbled home from the pubs. This may possibly be the etymology of the phrase "shit-faced". Michael poked plenty of fun at some of Scotland's more rube-like past, but made sure to balance that by stressing the Scottish enlightenment and influential thinkers such as David Hume. These free tours are offered all throughout Europe. We did 3 or 4 of them and Edinburgh's with Michael was by far the best. Also helps that the Edinburgh tours all end at a pub. Good thinking!

Followed some wandering around on my own time with an evening haunted/eerie Edinburgh tour. Seemed like the right choice for Friday the 13th! We passed through stone walls plastered with cement mixed with the ashes of alleged witches. Guide said red hair was something that could get you accused in those days, a bit of a problem in Scotland. We learned about body snatching, vampire suspicions, and even passed by the alleged entrance to the faerie realm. Good fun.

Had only one full day there, so would love to return to Edinburgh. In August, the population apparently doubles if not triples for the International Festival and Fringe Festival. Hope to make it one day!

Yet another statue to rub for good luck. Though that toe ain't as lucky as Joe's Vegas toe.

Had some mildly impressive wings forming.

London 

A major conundrum for this trip was how long to spend in London. I of course wanted to see it and in fact had to, as Heathrow is pretty much the sole launching spot for my RTW ticket. As much as I yearned to see the Olympic spectacle, an equal part of me wanted nothing to do with the crowds, prices, and police state brought about by the games. Time and circumstance would only give me two nights regardless.

I count myself lucky to have met Annie, a native Londoner (Londonite? Londonian?), way back in Rome. A few emails exchanged over the following weeks led to getting hooked up with a killer deal at her corporate hotel and a lovely if not overly informative tour guide for a day. A true smart ass, everything I asked her about was "700 years old and had to do with war". 

We saw a lot in a relatively short period. She pulled me away from my fascination with the soap-box standers at "Speakers Corner" to use the bike sharing program and peddle through Hyde Park and other parts of London, my eyes constantly darting to remember which way traffic came from on this looney island. We passed the Marble Arch, Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, etc.  With the Olympics beginning to get into swing, there were chances to stop and watch free concerts, a variety of street performers, and all sorts of people watching all along the Thames. We visited some nice pubs and took the tube to a few different hip neighborhoods. It also helped that the sun was apparently shining for the first time in a month or so! Had a super enjoyable day and the bonus is that everything I missed can be seen when my trip ends back in London.

So these people literally stand on soap boxes and rant all day? I LOVE this.

Those hats and no guns =  a little less intimidating than CPD.

The Great Glen Way

The Great Glen Way lived up to its billing as one of the most anticipated moments of my travels. It also KICKED MY ASS. 83 miles all told in 5 days. Still trying to figure out why. Not like it's even that impressive an accomplishment. Heck, my sister, who once scored on the wrong goal in CYO basketball, hiked 650 miles of the Appalachian Trail! I could have quit and hopped on a bus at multiple points, no one would have cared either way, but I just kept walking. For this I was rewarded.....and brutally punished. Here is that tale.

The trek spans across Scotland from Fort William northeast to Inverness. Logistically, just starting it presented a challenge. I left Edinburgh hoping my plan would work out. My bus took me to Inverness, where I hopped out and quickly found a hostel. I eventually convinced the nice young lady at the desk to let me store half my gear (should have stored more) there. I'd be back to spend the night Thursday. Hike takes 5-6 days. I had 5. I then bussed down to Fort William where I found too nice a hotel, "midge" spray, and after a surprisingly long search, a decent map.

Day one started with a true Scottish breakfast. I can really get behind these. They just throw everything on there! Gorged on fried eggs, toast, tomatoes, a potato scone, blood pudding (ehh), baked beans, cheese, sausage, weird bacon, OJ, and coffee. I looked out the window to see quite a downpour. Shocking. No problem, this is why I stay flexible, don't have to start today or do the whole thing. By 1:40pm, the sky still looked madd ominous, but I decided to embark anyway. I shooed away rain clouds through sheer will power. Was to my B&B by 6pm, 16 beautiful miles, feeling pretty good.

As you get further in to such an arduous trek though, you definitely start to run the gamut of emotions. From never feeling more alive, to wondering if you'll be the youngest person to die of an ordinary heart attack. From elation at an exquisite view, to cursing the sleepy hamlet of Spean Bridge, its sheep, and all its citizens for being deceivingly far off the map. I used every filthy word  in my expansive repertoire at some point on this walk. My one-sided conversations with the trail occasionally echoed back and forths between Al Swearagen and Wu.

Trail brings out the potty mouth.

Day 3, in particular, shall never be spoken of again after this paragraph. My first steps out of bed signaled a foreboding immediate future. I then proceeded to trudge 17 miles like an extra from The Walking Dead. Everyday I'm shuffling. Imagine walking 17 miles with every stride like stepping barefoot on Legos, all while giving Tyrion Lannister a piggyback ride. One foot had a Quato-esque sentient blister growing on the heel, the other resembled the battlefield of Bannockburn. Sometimes I'd switch up my movement style to try to alleviate the pain. I widened the stance (to combat ass-cheek chaffage....over-share!) and hunched down and pumped along like a little old man. Other sections I would counter-intuitively run, upright, on my toes to save my poor heels. From a distance I could have been mistaken for some sort of mentally challenged velociraptor, little arms tucked up near the straps of my pack. I even tried mental tricks like army marching songs. I all but fell through the door of the first B&B with a vacancy I saw. "How much? 45 pounds?!?! Sure that's not in Kuna? Welp, ring her up. I don't have another meter in me." I think she took pity on my mangled form. "Would you fancy some tea and fresh baked cake? It has a raspberry filling." "Yes. I would fancy that." I went to bed at 8:30pm.

After some moderately graphic, exploratory self-surgery, a hearty breakfast swapping war stories, and doing this:

Sorry Bracarina House B&B, have a bath tub next time.

 ...I felt refreshed. Couldn't have that now! Banged out 14 miles in a steady rain, not stopping for so much as a water break, singular goal of getting to a hot shower. Still, my spirits were oddly high. It no longer felt like small cats biting my feet with every step! I also passed the miles thinking what fun it'd be to bitch about all this in my blog. 


As miserable as that sounded, the Great Glen Way provided spectacular views, enjoyable random moments, and gave me a moderately proud sense of accomplishment. Some additional highlights, random thoughts, and pictures of the journey:


Loch Ness 


Despite my cryptozoological leanings, I actually don't put a whole lot of credence in Nessie. Blasphemy! I know! Still it was very cool to walk along side the beautiful lake, hoping to be proven wrong. I would not recommend actually going in the exhibit in Drumnodrochit though. Snoozefest. 

- Had a few moments of, "what the hell is that sound!?!" Turned to see fighter jets flying through at the tree line, very cool. Must have been a base nearby. I also happened across a nice memorial for Scottish commandos from World War II.

- The book I hauled with me on this walk was Ulysses. It might of kicked my ass more than the Great Glen Way. James Joyce throws more obscure allusions at you than Dennis Miller. I started this trip with the far more palatable, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (a Dezort recommendation) and Animal Farm.


- Had yet another very American moment in the dining/common area of my hiker's Hostel in Invergarry.  Brought back take-out fried chicken and then ordered a tall Tennents beer from the hostel bar. As I dug in, I scanned the room and all the other French and German hikers and nice little Scottish families were preparing their own little dainty meals in the hostel kitchen and drinking tea. I am what I am.


- Another American moment? Our B&B owner, Ian, was giving a few of us a lift back to the trail. I went to get shotgun. Ian: "Aye. Ya driving laddy?"


- Had a reinvigorating cup of coffee at the most gnarly little hippy farm on my final day. The terrific brew and awesome conversation helped push me a few more miles. Will do a full write up of the couple who owned the place at a later date.

The Fairy Forest 


Finally, on my second day, the only human ostensibly around for miles, I happened upon this place with no explanation. Just eerie altars, shrines, and circles of stuffed animals in a dark section of woods. Lost a half hour in there, though I halfway expected to emerge back through a time warp into the 1500s or something. Would have been a hell of a place for a space cake! I felt like it'd be bad luck to not leave a token, but as I thought about the contents of my bag, the options were limited. Do the trolls get indigestion? I have a chewable Pepto Bismol here. I settled on sliding a NYC Metro card with $1.25 on it into a guy's little pocket and telling him to go see Ben and Anja. Just a terrific, absurd encounter. 

Click and read if you love dogs!

A few more pics:

I'm off to London tonight. Back in the states, Miami, on Monday. Someone call up Mario C. and tell him to holler at his boy. I don't want to stay in the airport Marriott!

Amsterdam Report

hddhhhjahjaijhgiohgiohsdgiodhsioshidosdihdgidghidogdihdiodhdoidihgsidiodhighiidgoididididiididhdhdididhidiidhdihdidhdidhdihdidhdhidosoe9e9e99hfjjskajjhusdflllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll, then re, then returned the boat to its rightful owner. kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii I am Frodo and this thing is the ring right now. ..................................................................................................................... .................................................................................. Embrace what you are, the world needs you. ........... .....................................

dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd said, " said, "sir, I actually think Rembrandt would have wanted me to touch these!" llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................  Yep, he's a Sea Prince. ......................................................................... ......................................


...............................................  Did the fire look at you? ..................................................................  Breathe dawg.                                                                                                                                             ..................................................  Keep the change, ya filthy animal.

You ever seen the Rijksmuseum?........

Okay, that simply devolved into movie quotes at the end. The point is, writing this blog for a mixed audience presents quite a challenge! And honestly, on the angel/devil scale, we were pretty tame in Amsterdam (though Ben undoubtedly brought our average up). Certainly zero Euros were exchanged with prostitutes, though I did get several window taps as we strolled through the touristy Red Light District. I guess you have to take your ego boosts where you can get them. "Hey. That man is less hideous and creepy than many walking through here, perhaps I'll give him a knock in hopes he fancies a journey into my sad little room/cage." However, a "space muffin" may or may not have accidentally gotten too close to one of our mouths and been eaten by it's own fault. This led to the discovery of Van Gogh's secret. Nice ruse Vincent, nice ruse.

Even without the controversially legal "vices" available, Amsterdam would be a very cool place. We lost hours just exploring the shops and bars and restaurants along the maze of canals. No city on Earth boasts better people watching. We cruised the canal in a boat, walked around the Van Gogh museum, and then I ended my time in mainland Europe with a 3 hour bike ride to see a real windmill. Worth it! Not really, but still was a nice cap to my time in Holland. 

Ben and I part ways now as I'm on to Scotland to attempt the Great Glen Way, and then spend a few days in London before returning to the states. Looking forward to seeing many of you, and would be happy to provide elaboration on aspects of this post over beers or steak. Cheers!