The Great Glen Way

The Great Glen Way lived up to its billing as one of the most anticipated moments of my travels. It also KICKED MY ASS. 83 miles all told in 5 days. Still trying to figure out why. Not like it's even that impressive an accomplishment. Heck, my sister, who once scored on the wrong goal in CYO basketball, hiked 650 miles of the Appalachian Trail! I could have quit and hopped on a bus at multiple points, no one would have cared either way, but I just kept walking. For this I was rewarded.....and brutally punished. Here is that tale.

The trek spans across Scotland from Fort William northeast to Inverness. Logistically, just starting it presented a challenge. I left Edinburgh hoping my plan would work out. My bus took me to Inverness, where I hopped out and quickly found a hostel. I eventually convinced the nice young lady at the desk to let me store half my gear (should have stored more) there. I'd be back to spend the night Thursday. Hike takes 5-6 days. I had 5. I then bussed down to Fort William where I found too nice a hotel, "midge" spray, and after a surprisingly long search, a decent map.

Day one started with a true Scottish breakfast. I can really get behind these. They just throw everything on there! Gorged on fried eggs, toast, tomatoes, a potato scone, blood pudding (ehh), baked beans, cheese, sausage, weird bacon, OJ, and coffee. I looked out the window to see quite a downpour. Shocking. No problem, this is why I stay flexible, don't have to start today or do the whole thing. By 1:40pm, the sky still looked madd ominous, but I decided to embark anyway. I shooed away rain clouds through sheer will power. Was to my B&B by 6pm, 16 beautiful miles, feeling pretty good.

As you get further in to such an arduous trek though, you definitely start to run the gamut of emotions. From never feeling more alive, to wondering if you'll be the youngest person to die of an ordinary heart attack. From elation at an exquisite view, to cursing the sleepy hamlet of Spean Bridge, its sheep, and all its citizens for being deceivingly far off the map. I used every filthy word  in my expansive repertoire at some point on this walk. My one-sided conversations with the trail occasionally echoed back and forths between Al Swearagen and Wu.

Trail brings out the potty mouth.

Day 3, in particular, shall never be spoken of again after this paragraph. My first steps out of bed signaled a foreboding immediate future. I then proceeded to trudge 17 miles like an extra from The Walking Dead. Everyday I'm shuffling. Imagine walking 17 miles with every stride like stepping barefoot on Legos, all while giving Tyrion Lannister a piggyback ride. One foot had a Quato-esque sentient blister growing on the heel, the other resembled the battlefield of Bannockburn. Sometimes I'd switch up my movement style to try to alleviate the pain. I widened the stance (to combat ass-cheek chaffage....over-share!) and hunched down and pumped along like a little old man. Other sections I would counter-intuitively run, upright, on my toes to save my poor heels. From a distance I could have been mistaken for some sort of mentally challenged velociraptor, little arms tucked up near the straps of my pack. I even tried mental tricks like army marching songs. I all but fell through the door of the first B&B with a vacancy I saw. "How much? 45 pounds?!?! Sure that's not in Kuna? Welp, ring her up. I don't have another meter in me." I think she took pity on my mangled form. "Would you fancy some tea and fresh baked cake? It has a raspberry filling." "Yes. I would fancy that." I went to bed at 8:30pm.

After some moderately graphic, exploratory self-surgery, a hearty breakfast swapping war stories, and doing this:

Sorry Bracarina House B&B, have a bath tub next time.

 ...I felt refreshed. Couldn't have that now! Banged out 14 miles in a steady rain, not stopping for so much as a water break, singular goal of getting to a hot shower. Still, my spirits were oddly high. It no longer felt like small cats biting my feet with every step! I also passed the miles thinking what fun it'd be to bitch about all this in my blog. 


As miserable as that sounded, the Great Glen Way provided spectacular views, enjoyable random moments, and gave me a moderately proud sense of accomplishment. Some additional highlights, random thoughts, and pictures of the journey:


Loch Ness 


Despite my cryptozoological leanings, I actually don't put a whole lot of credence in Nessie. Blasphemy! I know! Still it was very cool to walk along side the beautiful lake, hoping to be proven wrong. I would not recommend actually going in the exhibit in Drumnodrochit though. Snoozefest. 

- Had a few moments of, "what the hell is that sound!?!" Turned to see fighter jets flying through at the tree line, very cool. Must have been a base nearby. I also happened across a nice memorial for Scottish commandos from World War II.

- The book I hauled with me on this walk was Ulysses. It might of kicked my ass more than the Great Glen Way. James Joyce throws more obscure allusions at you than Dennis Miller. I started this trip with the far more palatable, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (a Dezort recommendation) and Animal Farm.


- Had yet another very American moment in the dining/common area of my hiker's Hostel in Invergarry.  Brought back take-out fried chicken and then ordered a tall Tennents beer from the hostel bar. As I dug in, I scanned the room and all the other French and German hikers and nice little Scottish families were preparing their own little dainty meals in the hostel kitchen and drinking tea. I am what I am.


- Another American moment? Our B&B owner, Ian, was giving a few of us a lift back to the trail. I went to get shotgun. Ian: "Aye. Ya driving laddy?"


- Had a reinvigorating cup of coffee at the most gnarly little hippy farm on my final day. The terrific brew and awesome conversation helped push me a few more miles. Will do a full write up of the couple who owned the place at a later date.

The Fairy Forest 


Finally, on my second day, the only human ostensibly around for miles, I happened upon this place with no explanation. Just eerie altars, shrines, and circles of stuffed animals in a dark section of woods. Lost a half hour in there, though I halfway expected to emerge back through a time warp into the 1500s or something. Would have been a hell of a place for a space cake! I felt like it'd be bad luck to not leave a token, but as I thought about the contents of my bag, the options were limited. Do the trolls get indigestion? I have a chewable Pepto Bismol here. I settled on sliding a NYC Metro card with $1.25 on it into a guy's little pocket and telling him to go see Ben and Anja. Just a terrific, absurd encounter. 

Click and read if you love dogs!

A few more pics:

I'm off to London tonight. Back in the states, Miami, on Monday. Someone call up Mario C. and tell him to holler at his boy. I don't want to stay in the airport Marriott!