Southeast Asia Thoughts

- Watched the new Total Recall with Colin Farrell on the flight into Bangkok. Why remake that? Why!?!? Leave Arnold's classic alone. Not even Kate Beckinsale could redeem this dud.

- Shopping and I go together like Jim Edmonds and puppies. We don't really mix. But I'm starting to enjoy the markets. Although some of them seem to be nothing but novelty shirts and ninja stars. My boy Dezort would really like them!

Not to brag, but I'm getting pretty good at bartering. It's always tricky because you don't want to be taken advantage of, but you also don't want to argue with poor people over, at the end of the day, what amounts to a buck or two. My secret is truly not caring if I end up with the item or not. Oh woe is me, no flowy elephant pants today. So when I get up to leave, they inevitably shout, "sir, discount!"

The only bad part is the constant pleas to buy something, even if you just want to stroll through and look. Much like Busey and oranges, I tend to use "no thanks, I got a lot".

- How many Cambodians can you fit on a motorbike? That's not a joke, I'm seriously curious. Record so far is five, three of which were small children, going at a pretty solid speed. Helmets? We don't need no stinking helmets! In America, cops would be called in seconds.

- I love going barefoot, so I have no problem following Thai protocol of shoes off inside. It's just funny that they combine this custom with a bit of a foot phobia. Don't touch other people with your feet, expose the bottom of your foot, etc. Wonder how they'd react to my usual pick up dropped things with my toes maneuver?

- Speaking of rules, best not to mess around with drugs here. Read somewhere you could theoretically face a firing squad for pot (probably high level trafficking, but still). My pseudo non-interventionist foreign policy outlook would change in a hurry if I was facing the firing squad for something as innocuous as weed. "Okay, drone them."

- For a while, had a super simple 12-hour time difference between here and the Midwest. Then y'all had daylight savings, making FOUR of those I've had to deal with on top of figuring out normal time zone differences.

- VIP bus vs not so much. On VIP I had more leg room than just about any vessel my entire life. A flight bus attendant gave me a hot towel and served me a box with a fried chicken leg and piece of cake in it. I watched Iron Sky, a movie about Nazis on the moon (of course), in Thai.

Contrast that with the local bus from the Laos border 12 hours to Luang Prabang. Leg room? What's leg room? These countries do not cater to the 6ft plus crowd. The seats were cramped, my Norwegian neighbor tried my shoulder for a pillow several times throughout the night. The floor is lined with huge sacks of grains and flour. Why just move people when you can double as a freight carrier. Efficiency. And even better, 30 minutes in we come across a broken down bus. I imagine our drivers' conversation went something like this:

"Hey! Those people look like they need a ride too!"

"Pick em up!"

Them and all their shit and their huge bags of flour piled in, sitting in the aisles even. Surely they're considering tire pressure, fuel efficiency, and engine strength to get our overloaded behemoth through the winding night roads, I laughed to myself.

The only thing the two buses shared was zero staff English. And mega AC, proving me wrong when I first looked at the provided blankets and remarked, "yeah, I won't need this." But both buses delivered me to my destination! Always an adventure.

- I don't write much about food because to be honest, my food adventurism is lacking. I'd say 59% of my meals have been true local grub, just nothing overly exotic. Look at me I'm so cultured would be great, but not at the expense of wasted days on the toilet.

- At least you can shower while on them. Zuhz.

- That's a man, man. To each their own, but it is fun trying to guess, ladyboy or not ladyboy. Thousand times more troubling are the sloppy old western men with far younger (but at least of age from what I've seen) Thai girls. Maybe love's love for a percentage of these, but several are madd creepy.

- I've never sweat so much in my life. Clothes rarely get a double wear, which leads to laundry far too often.

- R.I.P. Croatia towel. Took it off to feed the elephants, got home, showered......and air dried. Feel we need a montage of all the good times we had together. Hopefully the elephants have use for it.
 

Got it.

Lost it.

- Buddhism. Always thought it was a cool religion with a strong, sensible message. It can be a bit overwhelming though. These temples abound in choices of figure to pray to, donation to make, flowers to bless, incense to light, birds to free. The temples are spectacular though. Might have to work Buddhism into the hybrid Catholicism/basic sun worship/shamanism/Bill Self idolatry thing I've got going here.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, a bazillion temples (and other random pics):

Farting?

Whatever you say, Orange Juice.